Kimmitt Genealogical Research

14 January 2015

How My Quiet Afternoon Devolved into Chaos, Yet Still Had a Happy Ending

When I started my blog I announced it was going to be about juggling genealogy and everyday life. So today I'll tell you a story about weight loss, aging, mental decline and frustration.

I had a bunch of errands to do today: dropping things off at three friends' houses and picking things up at another, picking up all 3 sons' framed high school photos from the framer, grocery shopping, but most important, getting a new purse and a belt. I need a purse with better compartments because I keep losing things. And one of the things I keep losing is weight, which is making me lose my pants, hence the belt.

As I rushed out the door I flung on some dangly earrings with no stops in them. "That's okay, I won't be doing anything strenuous," I thought. "They'll stay put." Well. I also donned a nice neck warmer scarf-y thing because it's 18º out. Said lovely neck warmer tends to come unfastened and slip to the ground but I thought I had it pretty well secured.

I haven't worn a belt in many a year but due to recent 45-pound weight loss (yay! lifetime struggle) and the new style of pants that seem to have no waist, my pants keep falling down. It's really annoying. It's a horrible feeling to be whipping around and feel your steps get smaller and smaller because your pants are slowly sliding towards the earth. It's like wearing panty hose that are a size too small--forces you to walk like a penguin. And slows down the errand-running.

Every time I made a stop I had to get out, hike up my drawers, and proceed with the errand. Every time I hoisted the jeans the scarf would come undone. When I refastened it, it would knock an earring out of my ear. So by stop number six I was a little frazzled. And minus one earring.

Stop number six was Wegman's. The place is chaos to me: amongst other aggravations, organic red peppers sold individually clear across the room from regular red peppers sold by the pound. They don't make it easy to shop wisely there. At the checkout counter I had a rollicking discussion with the cashier about arthritis and how it hurts and it sucks to get old, etc. She thanked me for letting her vent.

I loaded up my car and walked, hiking and hoisting, to TJ Maxx to look for belt and purse. On the way I realized my phone was neither in my coat pocket nor my purse! "Stupid coat pocket, I knew it was going to fall out!" But I thought I'd just get the damn belt before I lost the pants completely because that would embarrass my children and besides, did I mention it's only 18º out?

So I drove the 30 yards to TJ Maxx (if I had walked it would have taken 3 weeks with the ever-tinier mincing steps) and parked there. I browsed through the purses--nothing. But I couldn't concentrate knowing I didn't have my phone. I waddled over to Dress Barn where I hoped to a) find a purse; b) find a belt; and c) chastise them for selling me pants that fall down.

I found a decent purse but they don't sell belts even though the pants they sell you fall off. So I drove the 30 yards back to Wegman's to look for the phone. I searched where I had parked previously, on the ground and all around. Stupid coat pocket! The thing just flaps open. It was bound to fall out when I was hoisting! But nothing. Maybe someone took it already. I even looked in the cart I had returned to the little cart hut. Not there.

I figured I must have left it with the cashier during the exciting old age discussion. She was very happy to see me again, but then told me she hadn't found anything. So I inquired at Customer Service. Nothing! Crap!! Wait a minute. I reached around and slapped myself on the right back pocket. There it was!  I forgot I had put it there so it wouldn't fall out of my coat pocket! Yay, a happy ending, even if I am a forgetful goob.

Elated, I returned to the car. As I inched along, I rummaged through the dreaded purse for the keys. This purse has a rip in the lining, so things exit the purse proper and disappear into the netherworld between lining and leather. OMG. So I couldn't find my damn keys. I stood at the car cursing myself, the purse, low-waisted pants, scarves that don't work right, Wegman's, TJ Maxx, 18º weather, Dress Barn, but most of all, my scatter-brain. My stupid, aging, distracted, doing-too-many-things-at-once-ADD brain.

A lady came out to her car and looked at me for a second too long. I swear she had a glint in her eye, as though she were amused. But she didn't say anything. I took this as a good sign and returned to Customer Service, feeling a little like a mental patient. And wonder of wonders she got a huge grin when she saw me. Phew!!!!! I had left them there (along with my pride). I left before they could call the men in white coats.

So all's well that ends well except I'm annoyed that the lady didn't tell me they had my keys inside. It's okay she was probably afraid of me.


Christine said...

I know I shouldn't say it because we all have days like this but thanks for the laugh. It always make me feel better to know others have these kind of days. At least you didn't loose your earring. I lost one of a pair of very nice earrings my husband gave me. They also happened to be my favorite. It was when I commuted by bus to Cambridge. I always suspected it caught on my scarf.

Hopefully this means tomorrow will be better.

Sandra Goodwin said...

Well, Polly, you may have had a miserable day, but you certainly made mine!!

Jacqi Stevens said...

...and the moral of the story is: Never buy pants at a place called Dress Barn ;)

Thanks, Polly, for adding a smile to my afternoon!

Laura Aanenson said...

What a hoot! Congratulations on your weight loss, keeping your pants up and locating your phone! You made me laugh out loud - for real!

The Gardening Genie said...

Congrats on the weight loss!! Try skinny tights. More comfy. No zipper. No button. They stay on without a belt and you look COOL!

M J Bowman said...

I finally bought a little purse to hold money & keys and fit inside my big purse. I TIE it to the strap of the big purse. Looks stupid until I point out I never leave my money or keys because the little purse can't go anywhere on its own. Getting old is challenging.

Nancy said...

I know it wasn't funny as it was happening but you've given me a chuckle today -- not because of your difficulties, but because they are so similar to my own. When I put something in the right place or a better place and forget where I put it, then find it, I tell myself that I'm better than I thought. It's my only consolation for wasting the time searching when my memory failed me. Congratulations on the weight loss. I'm sure it feels wonderful!